DMC writeup for Mar 8, 2016 – Sharks and hatches and elements, oh my!
The meeting started off with more than the usual number of memorable quotes:
• Tellius: “Hey, can Janella just dangle Gwynn into the water from a rope like a tea bag?”
• Serp: “We could just try to drain this tub.”
Gwynn: “Where will we find something to blow it up with?”
Jan: “In Shadowstone’s chest!!”
• Serp: “Does anyone have a cylindrical thing?” (Nothing wrong there)
• Jan: “How about Shad’s shadow ability in water?”
Shad: “I don’t know. I could just go in and out real quick…“ (Nope, sounds good to me)
• Jan: “Let’s take this Elemental Body II for a ride!”
Anyway, after we topped out our day’s quote-o-meter in the first 9 minutes, we decided to employ our various methods to breathe water and just get through this waterfall to check out the one side of the water circuit that we hadn’t explored yet. Shad went shadowy, Jan went watery, Serp and Ronn chugged poshes, and Gwynn shoved his snake into a bag (Nope, sounds fine) and relied on his ring. Once again into the fray…
The team burst thru the waterfall to re-engage with the swimming cartilaginous tooth machine on the other side. Shad, in the shadows, surely did something or tried to and either succeeded or didn’t; Gwynn released some of the shark’s blood with a bit o’ axework; Tellius critically rapiered it; Serpenthelm vital struck it in the vitals. The shark hit and ran… right into Water Jan’s slam attack!!! Which missed. But not the second time!!! Shark steaks.
“Okay, team. Let’s try not to set off those summoning wards, all right?”
Tellius and Serpenthelm quickly flubbed swim rolls and set off two more shark-spawning sigils. Yet again into the fray… Tellius and Serp took on Sharkille O’Neal and Janella-mental was somewhere above the waterline in the middle; Shadowstones was no doubt doing something important with some level of effectiveness, which left Gwynn to take on Frankie the Fin in watery melee. The two bards were a symphony of rapiers, falling into a rhythm of pokery; Sharkille eventually succumbed to all those pricks. Meanwhile, Gwynn and Frankie the Fin squared off toe-to-tooth and proceeded to embarrass themselves in one of the worst collective displays of combat ineptitude ever seen above or below the waves. To onlookers, it must have looked like the two bodies flailing and flapping against each other uselessly were marionettes wielded by the gouted fingers of a brie-tart.
Fortunately, wet Jan managed to stop her laughing long enough to come in, lick her palms, and give Frankie some powerful wet slaps. And then, from out of nowhere, the shark suddenly died. Either the fighting gods could bear no more mockery, or Shadowspawn was actually doing some good wherever he was.
Tzar Lenz piped up: “Hey, nobody has taken any damage yet, have they?”
Lord Fowlie: “Uhh… I’ve taken 16.”
The author begins to question his own attention to detail, and decides to insert a disclaimer that the information contained in this write-up may contain errors, omissions, and even outright misrepresentations of the truth. This prose was inspired by a true make-believe story.
Okay, enough of sharks for a bit. Water Jan located a cylinder with a submarine-type hatch sporting runes around its edge, no doubt ready to flood the waters with more targets for slaps, pokes, slices, and shadowy caresses. Gwynn took care not to set them off, unscrewed the lid, and the crew swam down the hatch. Which soon turned into “up the hatch” as the gravity flipped orientation once again. At this point, 3 minutes 45 seconds had passed since entering the shark den. It was nearly pitch dark, but Gwynn felt a presence all around them. Tellius popped off some flare spells, which mostly just blinded us, but they also helped us realize that we were 40’ beneath the surface. Janella, still in her elemental form, cupped our bottoms in her watery hands (Whoa! Was that a finger?!) and propelled us to the air above.
Quick unscrewing. “Huuuuuhhhh….” Gwynn recapped his waterskin. Jan, always having the exact dress for the occasion, put her bat cloak to work and was soon exploring this airy zone. In another mind-feck, the gravity flipped once again 10’ up with 30 more feet “down” till solid ground. Janella’s shuttle service carried Gwynn and Serp up and then “down” to the ground, Tellius used his winged shield, and Shat floated around like a fart. Felt good to be back on Terra firma, loose soil beneath our feet. Gwynn put Vipet back into her hood, and all started to move around the new enviro.
Suddenly, a large earth elemental rose up from the ground and gave the Ronn a rocky swipe that left dirt on his face and dust in his eye. This stoned fellow could be a bit of a problem…
Rise above the hole in the
deepest of your depths (check)
for the path will steal
even the most iron will (probably those blood-sucking stirges)
and leave you barren. (don’t care about having kids anyway)
But when you pass this and
only Scarn’s elements remain (water – check; air – check; earth – underway; fire – ??)
as you wish, it will be free (do we really want to free that thing?!?!?)
Note: I’ve copied the loot haul from “Chest grab” just so that we don’t forget some of the resources we have access to. For instance, Janella, do you still have that staff? Shadowstones, did you figure out what that potion did?
• a +1 winged shield – this could come in handy. Tellius snaps it up as the only shield-bearer of our lot.
• a +2 compound longbow of distance. Though Serpy is close, she can’t quite pull it back to full draw yet. She vows to bulk up enough to be able to pull this mother properly – then the world had better be ready!
• a +2 dwarven thrower warhammer. This one is special, and Tellius takes it for the nonce. He knows how to throw his voice but not so much hammers, but that’ll come with practice, too. Gwynn is eying it up, though, and is trying to assess whether this dwarven wrecking ball would complement his sneaky “cut and burn” image. The jury is still out.
• We grab the scrollcase and crack the seal like an Inuit hunter. Janella can’t believe the powerful arcane spells she finds on the scroll: teleport, mass reduce person, elemental body III, stoneshape, and reverse gravity.
• a pearl of power level 2 – spell storage for an arcane caster. [editor’s note: I wrote down that Tellius took it, but I seem to remember hearing that it went to Janella. Clarification required].
• a candle of truth, which Serpenthelm pockets.
• a container of dust of disappearance. Jan disappears it into her sachel.
• a very powerfully-magicked dagger first goes to Gwynn, but Shad is looking at it lustfully – probably because it looks almost liftable – and Gwynn throws him a bone in exchange for the next item on this list. It manages to resist Tellius’ best efforts at detection; it is perhaps an artifact.
• a blue metal ring of water breathing now on the person of wee Pipet
• a staff of unknown abilities – Janella takes that, too. She’s making out like a bandit here!
• Shad takes the unknown multi-hued potion – it’s transmutative in family and a trial sip might possibly have just turned Shadowspawn gay.
• Finally, an extremely-powerful magic rug resists identification. All we can figure out is that it’s some sort of transportational tool, but none of us are quite ready to throw ourselves blindly onto that magic carpet ride. It goes into the chest.
3 full sets of the armour/shield/spear combo go into the chest, too, along with the stone body of some short dude named Rube or something, and to quickly celebrate our haul and still-fleshy flesh, we all take swigs of Gwynn’s fine port; nothing puts a stamp of approval on good times like a bit o’ licquor. Gwynn borrows Shad’s new blade to etch each member’s name onto the wooden cups he procured in Cadar and repockets the drinking equipment.